I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
