you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
