Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
