Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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