2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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