We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
