Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
