I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
