Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
