"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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