I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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