Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
