She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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