so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You need Xanax blowdarts
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
