so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
