Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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