he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
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Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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