and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
