ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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