I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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