Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
