Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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