i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
