where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We're too hungover to prance.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
