New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
try to milk me bitch
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
