There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
