toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
