I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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