My room smells like vodka and shame
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
