That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
