he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
