Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize