I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
