If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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