its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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