At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
