$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
