Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
