Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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