i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
