you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
