remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
