Plan B is the new Plan A
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
