Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
