Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
