And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize