I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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