i already hear my dad disowning me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
