Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
