Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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