I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize