my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize