he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
