It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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