you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
