Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
