just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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