Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
