I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
