it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
