my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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